Huckleberry Authentic Communication Solutions

There once was a cute little pink little piggy.
His surname was Wiglet, and his first name was Ziggy.
He lived in a lovely house, in a very nice road,
with a beautiful garden, and a pool, and a toad!
He had friends and a bike and toys and such,
and his parents loved him very, very much.

He had a brand-new skateboard and a soccer ball too,
books and games and his very own loo!
He had his very own bedroom, with his very own bed
and shoes for his feet, and hats for his head
and a lunchbox to open – every day at 1,
with fruit and a cooldrink and a sandwich (or a bun).

Now you’d think he’d be happy with all that he had,
but no, little Ziggy only saw the bad…

His bike wasn’t new enough – not by a mile!
And his food was so plain that he just couldn’t smile.
He really really didn’t want to go to school,
and the water was too cold in his swimming pool.

The vacation was boring – he wanted to go home.
And the movie was stupid – “I’ve seen Home Alone!”
“I don’t feel like going to the beach!” he’d say,
and: “why won’t the neighbour’s weird kid go away?”

All day long, he’d complain and he’d whine,
because Ziggy was an ungrateful little swine.

One day his parents took him out to the slums
to show him some piggies with very dirty bums.
“But why is that one so thin?” asked Ziggy.
“Well”, said his mom, “there’s no food in that piggy!”

“There’s no mommy to feed him, no butter, no bread…
Who knows when last that little piggy was fed?
He has no lunchbox, no books and no shiny toys.
There are no beach trips or new clothes for some little boys.”

“Why, some little piggies have nothing at all…
No flat screen tv, no soccer ball,
no scooter or skateboard and definitely no bike
(and no rich uncle, like your uncle Mike).
There’s no money for school, so no education.
And do you think these little piggies ever go on vacation?”

Ziggy looked at the slumpiggies and after a while,
he noticed something strange – it was… a smile!
And there was another, and another and more!
Ziggy counted twelve, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-four!

“But mommy”, he asked, “If everything’s so bad,
why are these piggies so… not very sad?
Why are they smiling and happy and stuff,
when it’s obviously obvious they don’t have enough?”

“Well”, said his mommy, “I think it’s because…
when you don’t have very much, you learn to value what’s yours.
You learn to appreciate everything you’ve got.
Whether it’s old or new, whether it’s perfect or not!”

“That little piggy’s toy is a big round stone.
He’s not complaining about his old-ish iPhone.

And those two old piggies are smiling broadly today,
just because they had a roll in the hay!”

“These piggies appreciate every little thing –
the bright stars at night, a butterfly wing,
an old crust of toast, a puddle of mud,
a sunshiny day spent outside with a bud,
a fresh patch of grass, the scent of a flower…
They’re grateful every second, every minute, and every hour!”

Later that night when Ziggy was in bed,
he couldn’t get the slumpigs out of his head.
He lay there, warm, and snuggled up tight,
and wondered how warm they were tonight.

The next morning at breakfast, as he sipped his tea,
he thought about saying “oh, woe is me!”
But then he wondered if the slumpigs were sitting down to food
and instead he said: “thank you, it’s very, very good!”

When it was time for school, he didn’t complain.
He thought “I’m lucky to be able to train my brain!”
And when he opened his lunchbox and rolled his eyes,
Ziggy realised – much to his surprise –
that moaning about this and complaining about that
probably meant he was a bit of a brat…

He decided then and there that enough was enough
and that he would be grateful for all kinds of stuff!
For every new morning and every new night,
for his little piggy tail, for his hearing and sight,
for his toys and tv and toad and pool,
his bike and his bed – and even his school!

He was a very lucky piglet – he understood that now,
and so he made a solemn vow…
He promised his mommy he wouldn’t complain
about the sun or the wind or the snow or the rain
or the shoes on his feet or the food on his plate.

Ziggy had learned to appreciate!

And a funny thing happened from that very day.
He began to see things in a whole new way.

The pool was refreshing – no longer too cold,
and his bike was awesome – didn’t matter how old!

The peanut butter sandwich was actually quite yum.
And that movie was funny – the one he’d thought was dumb.

Everything’s better when you’re grateful, you see.
From your clothes to your food to a warm cup of tea.

A dull day at the beach becomes a wonderful treat.
And that boring apple suddenly tastes quite sweet.

“This vacation’s so fun it must never ever end!”
and the kid down the street… starts to look like a friend.

In fact the whole wide world began to look better to young Ziggy
the day that ungrateful little swine became a thankful little piggy.

THE END

You may be dreaming of doing that TED talk or taking part in Pecha Kucha. Perhaps you regularly present to clients or prospective clients and feel you could be much more impactful. Or maybe you’ve joined a networking group and want to brush up on your elevator pitch or present your business in a more professional way.
Whatever your reasons for wanting to improve your public speaking skills, there are a few simple tips you can use to improve them immediately, without hours of training. Here they are.

1. Write to speak
   This may seem obvious, but many people – when writing a speech, presentation or elevator pitch – write to read. In other words, they write, and then read what they’ve written, thinking it all sounds great, but they neglect to speak the words out loud to themselves. Only when you do this can you hear whether the rhythm is pleasing to the ear. By writing to speak, you can tell where pauses are needed, when sentences are too longwinded, or when things just don’t quite sound right.

2. Know your topic inside out
   This goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. The better you understand the topic, the easier you will be able to speak off-the-cuff. I have attended many a Toastmaster meeting where the speaker “went blank” and then had to quickly (awkwardly) find the exact spot in their notes, because they were talking about a topic they didn’t know much about. They were relying on memory and notes rather than inherent knowledge. When you are speaking about something you know about, you also immediately come across as more authentic.

3. Boost your own confidence
   A staggering percentage of people have a fear of public speaking. They get nervous, sweaty, even panic-stricken. If this is you, spend a few minutes before your talk (and even when you are practicing) boosting your own confidence. In other words, talk yourself up.
   Start by straightening your back, lifting your chin, squaring your shoulders… and then remind yourself of all the reasons you are awesome! It may sound - and even feel – silly, but positive self-talk can instantly boost your confidence in any situation, even when you are about to speak publicly. Maybe you come up with a few mantras you can say to yourself. Say it. Mean it. Feel it. So often before doing something daunting, we are unconsciously saying things to ourselves like: “oh jeez, this is so scary. What if I go blank? I’m so nervous I could die.” This will only perpetuate the nerves. Do the opposite and the opposite will happen. Oh, and smile! (Not a toothy, nervous, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here smile, but a genuine smile…)

4. Breathe
   It is an indisputable fact that slow, deep breathing calms the nerves. Before you practice, and of course before you speak, get into a habit of taking nine slow, calming breathes. You can also couple the breathing with the mantras from the previous tip – double whammy. And the genuine smile – triple whammy!

5. Slow down
   The more nervous we feel, the faster we tend to talk. You can trick your mind into thinking it’s super calm by slowing your speech down and talking in a calm manner. Talking slowly also conveys confidence and makes your audience feel calmer. Practice speaking slowly!

6. Lose the fillers
   Related to the previous point - you’ve probably listened to a podcast or talk where the speaker uses filler words all the time. If so, you know that it can be really distracting. Of course I am talking about um, er, ah, like, so, and similar. You may not even know you do it, because it’s become an unconscious nervous habit. And how do you lose the filler words? Pause instead. Instead of: “So um, what I want to, um, tell you about today, is um, the benefit of using this, um, product”, SLOW DOWN, and you will find it easier to simply pause instead of saying “um”. Practise!

7. Use anchors
   Whether you are presenting to a few clients in a boardroom, speaking to a large audience or presenting in an online meeting, find two or three “anchors” in the audience. It could be someone you know sitting in the font row, or a few friendly faces in the crows. Find their eyes every now, at regular intervals and during your talk. It helps you to feel more grounded when you speak and has the added benefit of making these people feel like you are really engaging with them. The more you practice, the easier you will be able to identify more anchors, so that you are engaging with more people. Don’t make it weird by locking eyes with one person and never blinking or looking away again. It should be natural, connecting, relaxed, and uncreepy.

8. Cut the sway away
   Another common habit when nervous in front of an audience is to sway the body, or move the weight of the body from one foot to the other. The speaker might not even know they are doing it, but the audience will find it extremely distracting. Stand with your feet slightly apart, shoulders back. If it’s appropriate and you can do it in a natural way, you can step forward, step back, step to the side, even take a few steps towards the audience or walk to one side of the room and back rather than standing on the spot swaying. Use your movement to reinforce the message. If you are sharing something personal, step forward and lean in. If you are talking about two opposite things, step to the one side while talking about thing A, and then to the other when talking about thing B.

9. Use your hands naturally
   Many people also don’t know what to do with their hands. In this case, the hands may end up in the pockets or dandling at your side lifelessly. But you don’t do that when you are talking to friends, so all you need to do to fix this issue is try to be more natural. Don’t think about your hands or arms, just use them the way you would in a normal, everyday conversation. Some people exaggerate the hand movements to emphasise a point. This is great to be more engaging and emphatic, but make sure it comes across natural, otherwise it can just seem rehearsed and inauthentic.
   

10. Record yourself
    Finally, to pick up on unconscious habits and know for sure where you can improve, record yourself giving your speech or presentation. Watch yourself back and don’t be put off by any discomfort this may cause you. You have to start somewhere, so unless you want to attend a two-day course and practice in front of 10 strangers, become comfortable with recording and watching yourself. This way, you can become your own trainer. As you watch the video/s, pay special attention to points 5 – 9 above.

As with all skills, practise is key. And the great thing about practising your public speaking skills is that you can start doing it in front of your dog, your mirror, your partner or your cat, without fear of judgment. (Except maybe from your cat. They can be quite judgey).

There is really no reason to fear public speaking. It’s not even remotely dangerous, so the fear is just your mind playing tricks on you. I invite you to print this out and practise these 10 tips and then get out there and promote your business or your ideas confidently!

How to spot them and why you should avoid them

If there’s one thing I learnt this year, it’s this: When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

This counts in life, as well as work, of course, but today I am specifically talking about work, and even more specifically, about clients when you are a freelancer.
So as a freelancer, there are several types of clients I work with – corporate clients, who hire me directly to write their website, content, or video scripts; design or ad agencies with their own corporate clients; private individuals with their own businesses, who I may assist with marketing materials, content or other bits and pieces, and NGOs, who need reports and other documentation.

Each has its merits and I have no problem working with any of them. As long as they treat me with respect.

For the most part, I have been fairly lucky, in that we make an agreement right in the beginning of the relationship, and they stick to it. For instance, some clients pay on the 14th of the month, others prefer a monthly invoice on the 25th and settle it by the 1st; others pay within 14 days, and others within a day or two, no matter what time of the month I send my invoice.

But there’s always one, isn’t there?

I call this one the “Bittersweet Client”.

You know the type. The work might be pretty fun, or the brands are nice, or the end result can go into your portfolio, BUT… they always try to haggle you down when you quote, and when you invoice them, it’s like magic. They pull a Houdini. Where’d they go? Nobody knows.

Hello? Kooweeee?

And then you have to follow up and follow up and follow up, and hound them, and stalk them, and beg and plead, and eventually they pay, but mostly just because they need you to do more work for them.

This, despite the fact that you agreed on payment terms and work deadlines upfront, and that you keep up your end of the bargain, delivering great work on time, every time.

Two important lessons here:

1. This kind of treatment is disrespectful, plain and simple. No matter what they might say about cash flow problems, or the accountant being out of town or any other BS story. It’s disrespectful and unacceptable. You made an agreement and they have not stuck to it, which means they don’t respect your time and ultimately, they don’t respect you.

2. If they do it once, they will do it again, no matter what they say. They. Will. Do. It. Again.
   

Now, you can choose to continue to work with the Bittersweet Client because of the “sweet” part, but if they treat you with disrespect in one area, chances are that’s just the way they are, and it will come through in other way too. If you decide to go ahead, there’s only one way to do it – full payment upfront and no discounts or haggling. But remember, if they screw you over, you have only yourself to blame because they showed you who they are.

Here’s the important bit – how do you spot a bittersweet client?

THESE ARE THE RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR

(You’re welcome.)

Red Flag #1: Any attempt to get you to lower your price

If they don’t value what you do right in the beginning, the trend will continue and they will always try to haggle you down. Besides wanting to earn what you are worth, you also want your relationships to be based on mutual respect and know that your clients value and appreciate what you do. So if they say things like: “Do you think you could do that for R3K?” or “Could you come in at half that, and there will defs be a lot more work coming your way later?” NO. Just no. Major red flag.

Red Flag #2: If they can’t or won’t pay you 50% upfront

There are three reasons to take a 50% deposit from a new client. Firstly, so that you are on the system and you don’t get hit with 7 forms and requests for your blood type, tax number and 12 copies of your passport before “accounts” can link you as a beneficiary. Get it all out of the way right up front, so when you send the final invoice, there are no hoops to jump through. Secondly, so that you can be sure they actually have money in their bank account and can afford you, and thirdly, to establish a boundary from the word go. If they can’t or won’t pay a deposit, run, Forest, run. Major red flag.

Red Flag #3: Vague language when discussing terms/payment date

“We should be able to pay you by around the 30th”
“Probably within like 10 days”
“We normally pay about 2 weeks after you invoice”
“We’ll let you know by next week when we can sort you out.”

Look out for these seemingly innocuous words. They are subtle red flags, but red flags nonetheless. Get the terms of your agreement in writing and get them to sign the quote, so there are no discrepancies later on.

Red Flag #4: Asking for 30-day terms because they need their client to pay them before they can pay you

Oh hell no. Trust me. I learned this the hard way. A small caveat is if they are a major corporate company and there’s red tape and all sorts, and that’s just the way they work. That’s ok, if it’s part of their corporate procedure and they 100% stick to it. For a small design agency, if it’s a cash flow issue – avoid at all costs. Because what happens when their client pays late? What happens when they get paid but they need the money to pay for printing, or to pay the 50% deposit for the web designer who has firm boundaries in place? Major red flag.

Guys, we work hard for our money. We have skills, talents, education, experience and knowledge that is worth something. If a client doesn’t value you or treat you with respect, walk away. Even if they have something sweet to offer like lekker brands. If it’s bittersweet, it’s just going to end up leaving a purely BITTER taste in your mouth, trust me.

If you have red flags to add, please do, and/or feel free to add your comments/insights/tips.

Being a lover of language, I couldn’t help but notice how the pandemic has influenced our language use over the last year. Certain old or rarely-used words have become commonplace; some words or phrases have changed meaning; and of course, neologisms - new words and expressions – have been added to our spoken language.
A year ago, “do you have your mask?” was something you only asked a friend if you were going to Afrikaburn or robbing a convenience store. (In my experience, anyway.) “Can you hear me now?” was uttered only when you were talking on your phone from a restaurant or farm, or doing the odd Skype call with a faraway client or ageing family member. Now it’s all. the. time. “Can you hear me? Can you hear me NOW?”

The word quarantine rolls off the tongue with ease these days. Before COVID, it was something imposed on one of the Hemsworth brothers in a highly unbelievable sci fi movie. Lockdown was something that happened when the inmates at Pollsmoor caused kak. And flattening the curve meant cutting out carbs and getting back to hot yoga.

Social distancing wasn’t even a thing a year ago. I remember the first time I saw the phrase. It was on my Toastmasters Whatsapp group early in March last year. One of the members said she wasn’t going to attend the meeting, as her family had decided to do social distancing. I wondered if one of them had Tourettes or if they were perhaps trying some sort of weird hermit therapy to connect as a family. But no, I looked it up and it was a thing and now, less than a year later, it’s a phrase we hear and see every single day.

A year ago, the only jobs that were WFH (work-from-home) were the kind that paid 50c for every filled and licked envelope. These days, a huge number of positions are advertised as WFH or remote. Nobody knew what PPE stood for a year ago, and the only people who spoke about the front lines were Fox News reporters talking about some unfathomable war involving American troops.

And who was talking about the New World Order or 5G back in the early days of 2020? Only people with tinfoil hats and a year’s supply of koolaid in their bunker, that’s who. Now, it’s your cousin, your cute neighbour and that lovely lady you connected with at the silent retreat.

Before the pandemic, only margarine was a super spreader. Now, the phrase refers to the irresponsible and ignorant people who interact with large groups while infected with the virus. Coincidentally, the most famous of these is not unlike margarine, in both his colouring and nutritional value.

There are also a huge number of made-up words that have become a normal part of our language in just 10 months. Covidiot is one of my favourites – a word to describe someone who denies the virus exists or doesn’t practise safety precautions.

Coronacoaster describes the emotional rollercoaster brought on by the sudden lockdown; the ups and downs that come from spending more time than is natural with your immediate family; and the stress and anxiety caused by not only the possible lack of income, but also the weird, anti-social vibe of it all. Being an introvert, I haven’t been as affected by lockdown and social distancing as many others, but even I sometimes go from feeling manic joy one minute to sprouting surprise tears the next, for no apparent reason. (And sometimes because I only have 2 beers left and no idea when Uncle Cyril will let me buy more).

Other new made-up words include maskne, a pimple outbreak caused by facial coverings, and zoombombing, which is when you bomb or intrude on someone’s video conference. This actually happens - bored trolls find meeting links on Twitter and other platforms and then join the meeting and share their filthy, filthy screens. Of course, zoombombing can also occur – more innocently and minus the porn - when a waiter or toddler (or your aggressively needy cat) inadvertently enters your camera’s view while you’re having a pow wow with your super awesome quaranteam.

A quarantini is a cocktail enjoyed in isolation in the comfort of one’s own home, and Blursday describes the feeling when you wake up and have no idea what day it is because you’ve been in your tracksuit for 3 weeks and each day just bleeds into the next.

Some of us have a real problem with doomscrolling, which is when you skim-read anxiety-inducing, pandemic-related articles, updates or comments on social media via your phone. And yet others suffer from hamsterkauf (hamster purchase), a German word that beautifully depicts ‘panic buying’, something we’ve all done recently at the local Tops and half of America and Australia did with toilet paper, for some as-yet-unknown reason.

As a testament to how we crave “our own” language, we have even come up with our own words for the virus. Some call it COVID-19. Many others call it coronavirus or simply corona. Teenagers and hipsters call it ‘rona or the rona, hippy surfers in Australia call it ronies, and in London’s East End, it’s known as Miley Cyrus – cockney rhyming slang for the virus.

Who knows what new words 2021 one will bring? I’m hoping for positive ones like frelief – the amazing feeling you get when you’re able to see and hug your friends for as long as you like without any fear; coronatude, the effects of the virus on how much gratitude we now feel for what we have; and meterism, the now-and-forever natural giving of space to the person in front of you in a queue.

I’m looking forward to seeing what happens and how our language continues to evolve. Until then, I’m going to hamsterkauf some Lindt, whip up a pineapple quarantini and do some doomscrolling.

I’ll worry about flattening my curve on Blursday.

Negative feedback is never easy to give – or receive. It’s not natural. Imagine if in our “normal life” we gave feedback on everything.

“Now about dinner, darling. It was too salty and the balance of flavours was off.”

It would be weird. It’s not something we do in our normal out-of-work interactions. But when you’re a leader, giving negative feedback is inevitable and part and parcel of growth and improvement.

The traditional and most popular way to give negative feedback is with the “hamburger method” or as some have called it, the “turd sandwich”. It’s when the bad news/negative feedback (the turd) is cushioned on either side with niceness (that’s the delicious government white, fresh from the oven bread). Good – bad – good.

Examples:

Thank you so much for your submission. We really enjoyed the story, but don’t feel that it’s right for us at this stage. We wish you every success in the future.

I love the way you throw yourself into the work. Your attention to detail could improve, but on the whole, your performance has been great.

That report was well researched. A bit of repetition here and there and several typos, but you really captured the spirit of the thing.

It may seem like it’s making things better by adding in niceties, but there are many reasons this strategy is outdated and not the best way to deliver bad news or give negative feedback.

1. It could create a positive anticipation and instant disappointment in a matter of a few words.

Imagine reading this:
We thank you for your application. We were very impressed with your credentials and experience and the quality of your application. However, we have at this point filled all the spaces and will not be able to accept you for this year’s intake.

What the actual? Your eye scans and sees impressed, quality… the excitement mounts and then Boof! Disappointment.

2. If you’re just being polite, it can seem disingenuous.

The first example above shows this beautifully. It feels like a platitude. Oh you loved the story? Really? Then why aren’t you publishing it? Just say it like it is. Coming across as not being genuine is the quickest way to break trust and connection. If your employees or colleagues have figured out that you’re constantly feeding them turd sandwiches, they will stop trusting that you mean what you say.

3. The real message could get lost entirely between the slices of bread.

If you’re trying too hard to be nice and mask the negative part of the message, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. If you are really not happy with the lack of attention to detail and THAT’S the message you want to impart, rather just say that.

“Today I want to address your lack of attention to detail and explain why it’s an issue, and why I need you to improve in that area.”

The message is clear. There’s no mistaking what you feel, need and expect. Using the second example above, the turd sandwich can leave the person feeling like the attention to detail is a minor thing and that they are truly rocking it, when in actual fact, you’re highly irritated and need the issue to be addressed and rectified ASAP.

4. It diminishes the power of positive feedback

When you use the turd sandwich too often, with two positives surrounding your negative feedback, it can diminish the power of positive feedback you give on other occasions. The person who regularly eats your turd sandwich starts to subconsciously associate your compliments or positive feedback with poo. Keep them separate – praise good stuff, and give negative or constructive criticism on the not-so-good stuff. They are two different things with different objectives. Don’t mash them up together and hope for the best.

So how should you give feedback? I’ll save the detail for another article, but here are some topline thoughts:

Be clear and concise. Say what you’re unhappy about, explain why it’s important and offer a few ideas for solutions.

Come from a place of curiosity. Find out why the issue exists in the first place, in a genuine way. Is it a lack of training? A mindset that needs to shift? A practical issue that stands in the way? Ask questions and then help. Manage. Lead.

Your words and tone should never match your mood. No matter what kind of mood you’re in, make sure your tone is still encouraging, curious, empathetic. Don’t belittle the person or use passive aggressive language to get your point across.

Aim to be constructive rather than destructive. If you approach it in the right way, it should leave the person feeling ok but the whole thing and with a real understanding of the benefit of changing the behaviour. They should want to make the change and then go ahead and actually make the change. In other words, even negative feedback can build, rather than break. (In some ways, this is what the turd sandwich attempts to do, but fails at.)

As with most things, giving constructive negative feedback is a skill that improves with time and practice. Start to give negative feedback with empathy, tact and the goal of construction rather than destruction, and you will notice a difference – both in the conversation itself and in the results of the conversation. And stop dishing out turd sandwiches. They often leave a bad taste in the mouth.