Huckleberry Authentic Communication Solutions

You may be dreaming of doing that TED talk or taking part in Pecha Kucha. Perhaps you regularly present to clients or prospective clients and feel you could be much more impactful. Or maybe you’ve joined a networking group and want to brush up on your elevator pitch or present your business in a more professional way.
Whatever your reasons for wanting to improve your public speaking skills, there are a few simple tips you can use to improve them immediately, without hours of training. Here they are.

1. Write to speak
   This may seem obvious, but many people – when writing a speech, presentation or elevator pitch – write to read. In other words, they write, and then read what they’ve written, thinking it all sounds great, but they neglect to speak the words out loud to themselves. Only when you do this can you hear whether the rhythm is pleasing to the ear. By writing to speak, you can tell where pauses are needed, when sentences are too longwinded, or when things just don’t quite sound right.

2. Know your topic inside out
   This goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. The better you understand the topic, the easier you will be able to speak off-the-cuff. I have attended many a Toastmaster meeting where the speaker “went blank” and then had to quickly (awkwardly) find the exact spot in their notes, because they were talking about a topic they didn’t know much about. They were relying on memory and notes rather than inherent knowledge. When you are speaking about something you know about, you also immediately come across as more authentic.

3. Boost your own confidence
   A staggering percentage of people have a fear of public speaking. They get nervous, sweaty, even panic-stricken. If this is you, spend a few minutes before your talk (and even when you are practicing) boosting your own confidence. In other words, talk yourself up.
   Start by straightening your back, lifting your chin, squaring your shoulders… and then remind yourself of all the reasons you are awesome! It may sound - and even feel – silly, but positive self-talk can instantly boost your confidence in any situation, even when you are about to speak publicly. Maybe you come up with a few mantras you can say to yourself. Say it. Mean it. Feel it. So often before doing something daunting, we are unconsciously saying things to ourselves like: “oh jeez, this is so scary. What if I go blank? I’m so nervous I could die.” This will only perpetuate the nerves. Do the opposite and the opposite will happen. Oh, and smile! (Not a toothy, nervous, get-me-the-hell-out-of-here smile, but a genuine smile…)

4. Breathe
   It is an indisputable fact that slow, deep breathing calms the nerves. Before you practice, and of course before you speak, get into a habit of taking nine slow, calming breathes. You can also couple the breathing with the mantras from the previous tip – double whammy. And the genuine smile – triple whammy!

5. Slow down
   The more nervous we feel, the faster we tend to talk. You can trick your mind into thinking it’s super calm by slowing your speech down and talking in a calm manner. Talking slowly also conveys confidence and makes your audience feel calmer. Practice speaking slowly!

6. Lose the fillers
   Related to the previous point - you’ve probably listened to a podcast or talk where the speaker uses filler words all the time. If so, you know that it can be really distracting. Of course I am talking about um, er, ah, like, so, and similar. You may not even know you do it, because it’s become an unconscious nervous habit. And how do you lose the filler words? Pause instead. Instead of: “So um, what I want to, um, tell you about today, is um, the benefit of using this, um, product”, SLOW DOWN, and you will find it easier to simply pause instead of saying “um”. Practise!

7. Use anchors
   Whether you are presenting to a few clients in a boardroom, speaking to a large audience or presenting in an online meeting, find two or three “anchors” in the audience. It could be someone you know sitting in the font row, or a few friendly faces in the crows. Find their eyes every now, at regular intervals and during your talk. It helps you to feel more grounded when you speak and has the added benefit of making these people feel like you are really engaging with them. The more you practice, the easier you will be able to identify more anchors, so that you are engaging with more people. Don’t make it weird by locking eyes with one person and never blinking or looking away again. It should be natural, connecting, relaxed, and uncreepy.

8. Cut the sway away
   Another common habit when nervous in front of an audience is to sway the body, or move the weight of the body from one foot to the other. The speaker might not even know they are doing it, but the audience will find it extremely distracting. Stand with your feet slightly apart, shoulders back. If it’s appropriate and you can do it in a natural way, you can step forward, step back, step to the side, even take a few steps towards the audience or walk to one side of the room and back rather than standing on the spot swaying. Use your movement to reinforce the message. If you are sharing something personal, step forward and lean in. If you are talking about two opposite things, step to the one side while talking about thing A, and then to the other when talking about thing B.

9. Use your hands naturally
   Many people also don’t know what to do with their hands. In this case, the hands may end up in the pockets or dandling at your side lifelessly. But you don’t do that when you are talking to friends, so all you need to do to fix this issue is try to be more natural. Don’t think about your hands or arms, just use them the way you would in a normal, everyday conversation. Some people exaggerate the hand movements to emphasise a point. This is great to be more engaging and emphatic, but make sure it comes across natural, otherwise it can just seem rehearsed and inauthentic.
   

10. Record yourself
    Finally, to pick up on unconscious habits and know for sure where you can improve, record yourself giving your speech or presentation. Watch yourself back and don’t be put off by any discomfort this may cause you. You have to start somewhere, so unless you want to attend a two-day course and practice in front of 10 strangers, become comfortable with recording and watching yourself. This way, you can become your own trainer. As you watch the video/s, pay special attention to points 5 – 9 above.

As with all skills, practise is key. And the great thing about practising your public speaking skills is that you can start doing it in front of your dog, your mirror, your partner or your cat, without fear of judgment. (Except maybe from your cat. They can be quite judgey).

There is really no reason to fear public speaking. It’s not even remotely dangerous, so the fear is just your mind playing tricks on you. I invite you to print this out and practise these 10 tips and then get out there and promote your business or your ideas confidently!

Negative feedback is never easy to give – or receive. It’s not natural. Imagine if in our “normal life” we gave feedback on everything.

“Now about dinner, darling. It was too salty and the balance of flavours was off.”

It would be weird. It’s not something we do in our normal out-of-work interactions. But when you’re a leader, giving negative feedback is inevitable and part and parcel of growth and improvement.

The traditional and most popular way to give negative feedback is with the “hamburger method” or as some have called it, the “turd sandwich”. It’s when the bad news/negative feedback (the turd) is cushioned on either side with niceness (that’s the delicious government white, fresh from the oven bread). Good – bad – good.

Examples:

Thank you so much for your submission. We really enjoyed the story, but don’t feel that it’s right for us at this stage. We wish you every success in the future.

I love the way you throw yourself into the work. Your attention to detail could improve, but on the whole, your performance has been great.

That report was well researched. A bit of repetition here and there and several typos, but you really captured the spirit of the thing.

It may seem like it’s making things better by adding in niceties, but there are many reasons this strategy is outdated and not the best way to deliver bad news or give negative feedback.

1. It could create a positive anticipation and instant disappointment in a matter of a few words.

Imagine reading this:
We thank you for your application. We were very impressed with your credentials and experience and the quality of your application. However, we have at this point filled all the spaces and will not be able to accept you for this year’s intake.

What the actual? Your eye scans and sees impressed, quality… the excitement mounts and then Boof! Disappointment.

2. If you’re just being polite, it can seem disingenuous.

The first example above shows this beautifully. It feels like a platitude. Oh you loved the story? Really? Then why aren’t you publishing it? Just say it like it is. Coming across as not being genuine is the quickest way to break trust and connection. If your employees or colleagues have figured out that you’re constantly feeding them turd sandwiches, they will stop trusting that you mean what you say.

3. The real message could get lost entirely between the slices of bread.

If you’re trying too hard to be nice and mask the negative part of the message, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. If you are really not happy with the lack of attention to detail and THAT’S the message you want to impart, rather just say that.

“Today I want to address your lack of attention to detail and explain why it’s an issue, and why I need you to improve in that area.”

The message is clear. There’s no mistaking what you feel, need and expect. Using the second example above, the turd sandwich can leave the person feeling like the attention to detail is a minor thing and that they are truly rocking it, when in actual fact, you’re highly irritated and need the issue to be addressed and rectified ASAP.

4. It diminishes the power of positive feedback

When you use the turd sandwich too often, with two positives surrounding your negative feedback, it can diminish the power of positive feedback you give on other occasions. The person who regularly eats your turd sandwich starts to subconsciously associate your compliments or positive feedback with poo. Keep them separate – praise good stuff, and give negative or constructive criticism on the not-so-good stuff. They are two different things with different objectives. Don’t mash them up together and hope for the best.

So how should you give feedback? I’ll save the detail for another article, but here are some topline thoughts:

Be clear and concise. Say what you’re unhappy about, explain why it’s important and offer a few ideas for solutions.

Come from a place of curiosity. Find out why the issue exists in the first place, in a genuine way. Is it a lack of training? A mindset that needs to shift? A practical issue that stands in the way? Ask questions and then help. Manage. Lead.

Your words and tone should never match your mood. No matter what kind of mood you’re in, make sure your tone is still encouraging, curious, empathetic. Don’t belittle the person or use passive aggressive language to get your point across.

Aim to be constructive rather than destructive. If you approach it in the right way, it should leave the person feeling ok but the whole thing and with a real understanding of the benefit of changing the behaviour. They should want to make the change and then go ahead and actually make the change. In other words, even negative feedback can build, rather than break. (In some ways, this is what the turd sandwich attempts to do, but fails at.)

As with most things, giving constructive negative feedback is a skill that improves with time and practice. Start to give negative feedback with empathy, tact and the goal of construction rather than destruction, and you will notice a difference – both in the conversation itself and in the results of the conversation. And stop dishing out turd sandwiches. They often leave a bad taste in the mouth.