Negative feedback is never easy to give – or receive. It’s not natural. Imagine if in our “normal life” we gave feedback on everything.
“Now about dinner, darling. It was too salty and the balance of flavours was off.”
It would be weird. It’s not something we do in our normal out-of-work interactions. But when you’re a leader, giving negative feedback is inevitable and part and parcel of growth and improvement.
The traditional and most popular way to give negative feedback is with the “hamburger method” or as some have called it, the “turd sandwich”. It’s when the bad news/negative feedback (the turd) is cushioned on either side with niceness (that’s the delicious government white, fresh from the oven bread). Good – bad – good.
Examples:
Thank you so much for your submission. We really enjoyed the story, but don’t feel that it’s right for us at this stage. We wish you every success in the future.
I love the way you throw yourself into the work. Your attention to detail could improve, but on the whole, your performance has been great.
That report was well researched. A bit of repetition here and there and several typos, but you really captured the spirit of the thing.
It may seem like it’s making things better by adding in niceties, but there are many reasons this strategy is outdated and not the best way to deliver bad news or give negative feedback.
1. It could create a positive anticipation and instant disappointment in a matter of a few words.
Imagine reading this:
We thank you for your application. We were very impressed with your credentials and experience and the quality of your application. However, we have at this point filled all the spaces and will not be able to accept you for this year’s intake.
What the actual? Your eye scans and sees impressed, quality… the excitement mounts and then Boof! Disappointment.
2. If you’re just being polite, it can seem disingenuous.
The first example above shows this beautifully. It feels like a platitude. Oh you loved the story? Really? Then why aren’t you publishing it? Just say it like it is. Coming across as not being genuine is the quickest way to break trust and connection. If your employees or colleagues have figured out that you’re constantly feeding them turd sandwiches, they will stop trusting that you mean what you say.
3. The real message could get lost entirely between the slices of bread.
If you’re trying too hard to be nice and mask the negative part of the message, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. If you are really not happy with the lack of attention to detail and THAT’S the message you want to impart, rather just say that.
“Today I want to address your lack of attention to detail and explain why it’s an issue, and why I need you to improve in that area.”
The message is clear. There’s no mistaking what you feel, need and expect. Using the second example above, the turd sandwich can leave the person feeling like the attention to detail is a minor thing and that they are truly rocking it, when in actual fact, you’re highly irritated and need the issue to be addressed and rectified ASAP.
4. It diminishes the power of positive feedback
When you use the turd sandwich too often, with two positives surrounding your negative feedback, it can diminish the power of positive feedback you give on other occasions. The person who regularly eats your turd sandwich starts to subconsciously associate your compliments or positive feedback with poo. Keep them separate – praise good stuff, and give negative or constructive criticism on the not-so-good stuff. They are two different things with different objectives. Don’t mash them up together and hope for the best.
So how should you give feedback? I’ll save the detail for another article, but here are some topline thoughts:
Be clear and concise. Say what you’re unhappy about, explain why it’s important and offer a few ideas for solutions.
Come from a place of curiosity. Find out why the issue exists in the first place, in a genuine way. Is it a lack of training? A mindset that needs to shift? A practical issue that stands in the way? Ask questions and then help. Manage. Lead.
Your words and tone should never match your mood. No matter what kind of mood you’re in, make sure your tone is still encouraging, curious, empathetic. Don’t belittle the person or use passive aggressive language to get your point across.
Aim to be constructive rather than destructive. If you approach it in the right way, it should leave the person feeling ok but the whole thing and with a real understanding of the benefit of changing the behaviour. They should want to make the change and then go ahead and actually make the change. In other words, even negative feedback can build, rather than break. (In some ways, this is what the turd sandwich attempts to do, but fails at.)
As with most things, giving constructive negative feedback is a skill that improves with time and practice. Start to give negative feedback with empathy, tact and the goal of construction rather than destruction, and you will notice a difference – both in the conversation itself and in the results of the conversation. And stop dishing out turd sandwiches. They often leave a bad taste in the mouth.